Remodeling Like Life Requires One Decision at a Time

We are in the process of redoing our living room and kitchen. While we've made some cosmetic changes to the LR, including new furniture, the biggest change left is the fireplace wall. We want to replace the wood-burning fireplace with a gas insert. We can't use the fireplace right now because of a flue issue. If only the plumber would call us back to run the gas line. The mantel will also get an update with slate--at least, that's how we are thinking right now.

The kitchen will see the most changes: cabinet refacing, counter, backsplash, lighting, wall color and floor. It's dated (1984 for most objects) and really needs a facelift.

All these changes require decisions. Today we ordered the tile for the entryway. What material did we want? What color? Polished or not? What size tile? What pattern to lay it in? How wide the grout lines? What color grout?

This process of decision-making has been going on for the past few years as we gathered ideas for the makeover. We've changed our minds many times, especially over the backsplash tile. New materials and products come to the market all the time.

This made me realize that life is very much like this. We are always making decisions throughout our day, always readjusting as new information comes to light, always moving on to the next question.

At first, this remodeling process seemed overwhelming. Sometimes it still does, but we've reached a point where we have more answers now than questions. In life, if we live an examined life, I would hope that we reach a point of knowing ourselves better, of not second-guessing ourselves as much, of confidence in our choices.

At some point, we reach a place in our decision-making of "yes, this is right for now." Then we have to let it go and move on. In six months, we might make a different choice, but we can only choose in the now moment. Today we chose the entryway tile--and we are going to live with that choice for a long time, knowing it was the best decision we could make today.

It doesn't matter what others think of our choices. This is our house, our lives, and we have made the decisions in them. We will live with the consequences in them. We will delight in the pleasures of them, too.

Someday when I walk on my new entryway, I will remember an afternoon spent at the tile shop, playing with different layout options on the floor. I will remember choices made, then let go. I will remember listening to my husband's suggestions and he listening to mine. I will remember the satisfaction of saying, "Yes, this is it!"

The order is in. The decision is made. The consequences are coming, yet so are the pleasures of seeing the fruits of our labors, seeing our vision made manifest. One decision at a time, we build our home. One decision at a time, we build our lives. Choose well, then let it go.

Are You Your Best Friend?

This week on NPR, I heard a show about willpower. The latest advice, this being the start of a new year, is to focus on creating only one new habit per month. The expert said that we have a certain amount of willpower each day and when we try to change too many things at once, we don't have enough willpower to go around. I'm not sure I buy the "limited amount" idea, but focusing on one thing at a time and successfully creating a new habit slowly makes sense. How many of us have been successful with resolutions otherwise?

So, what will it be? Do I focus on my relationships, health, passions, prosperity?

I've been prepping to do the Letter to God part of our Sunday New Year's Day service tomorrow. I realized that when I focus on my relationship with myself, a lot of other things fall into place. When I am my best friend:

• I enjoy being with myself and don't need another to "fulfill" me.
• I can be alone without being lonely.
• I take care of myself physically, spiritually, mentally and emotionally.
• I can amuse myself and enjoy being with others when I choose.
• I like who I am and honor my idiosyncracies.
• I don't judge myself harshly.
• I can laugh at myself.
• I support myself with trust, compassion and encouragement.

In 2012, I intend to focus first on my food choices, then on encouraging myself to follow my passions. One is not necessarily more important than the other, but I need to start somewhere. The "food month" will allow me time to contemplate what I want out of my "passion month."

New habits aren't about "thou shalt not." They are about focusing on what you want, instead of what you don't want.

What about you? What one thing will you focus on in January? Happy New Year and may you create the best life you can envision.

Raw Facts

My coworker Jane Simmons had been inviting me for months to attend a raw food potluck. While curious, I wasn't exactly burning with desire. Raw food? I just couldn't imagine it tasting very interesting, or having a lot of variety. After all, an apple is an apple is an apple, despite the varieties available. I like to cook and this was un-cooking.


At the end of June, while Jane was on vacation, I attended a talk by Jane Van Benthusen. Jane VB started eating raw food in 2008 to cure her cervical cancer. It worked.


Not only was her story amazing, but her high energy spoke volumes more than her words. She and her husband Loran prepared lunch for us: marinated kale salad and zucchini "pasta" with marinara sauce. I was astounded by the delicious flavors. Who knew?

Without really much planning or thought, I started eating raw as best I could. The kale salad recipe was my rock through the first week. Jane Simmons lent me her copy of Living on Live Foods by Alissa Cohen. I ordered a copy for myself.


Coincidentally, or not, I started reading The China Study by T. Colin Campbell and it relieved my concerns about getting enough protein. According to Campbell, cultures that eat a plant-based diet have no/low incidences of heart disease and cancer. As they become more affluent and incorporate animal products into their diet, their rates of heart disease and cancer increase.


I am not 100% raw. How does one judge percentages? I have fish about twice a week. I politely ate chicken and shrimp while visiting my mother-in-love for two days. Maybe someday I won't, but I'm not there. (I paid for it health-wise, so I may be there sooner than I expected.)

I also eat cooked vegan food 2-4 meals a week. I'm not driving myself crazy, nor skipping social outings. I brought a raw sweet potato and hijiki salad to a birthday potluck with some non-raw friends. One referred to it as the "Halloween salad" due to the orange and black color. They tried it though and mostly liked it.


My scale reading is better. Right now I've lost enough to drop me into a smaller jean size. :-)


This week I gave blood for the first time in a year and a half. My iron level hovers around the acceptable minimum, so sometimes I am .1 too low to donate. This time the reading was almost two full points higher than the minimum! I was thrilled. My blood pressure, always good/low, was even better.


Another difference this time was how long it took me to give. I am a slow bleeder. The average donor takes around seven minutes. I usually take 13-17 minutes. Once I came very close to the maximum limit. This week it took me less than 10 minutes.


The only way I can explain these differences is by my semi-raw-food diet. The facts speak for themselves. My blood donation confirmed that I am on the right path. I can't wait to see what my cholesterol is.


I'll have a physical in October. Those numbers should be very revealing. My doctor will be amazed. Maybe I'll ge a chance to spread the word about this raw food diet. I hope he'll listen.


I can't argue with the healthy numbers I'm getting. Looks like I'm going to be investing in a dehydrator soon. Love those raw crackers and cookies!

For those of you in the Kansas City area, there is a Kansas City Raw Food Union Facebook page. There are also two raw food groups that meet on a monthly basis. See the FB page and Jane VB for more info.

Spirit = Joy

I spent last weekend at Sonia Choquette's Traveling at the Speed of Love retreat at Unity Village. I've never had such fun at a retreat before. According to Sonia, we primarily experience Spirit as laughter and joy, and boy, did we ever get immersed! Sonia gave us tools for living life at the speed of love: We danced, we breathed (ha!), we named our Spirit and our ego/pet, we worked in small groups, we watched her guide folks thru transformations, we named what we wanted to experience next, etc.

All this week I have been on a high from the retreat. Not even the possibility of being laid off or having my pay and/or hours cut changed my mindset. I am determined to be joyful thru this experience no matter what. We won't know anything for sure until at least the next 2 weeks and maybe even the next few months. Nothing like living in the question!

Spirit is my Source. I happen to love my coworkers and I believe in the work we do. That being said, I know that if this channel of abundance closes, even partially, there will be other channels that open for me. There will be more opportunities to share my particular gifts.

I am not unrealistic. I have unemployed relatives and friends. The employment picture is not a pretty one right now. Yet I believe I can be more productive and creative with a postive attitude than a negative one.

Convention is here!
Our annual convention is next week. This could be my last one as an employee of Unity Worldwide Ministries. I don't know. No one knows.

I love convention! It's a chance to shmooze with folks from all over. Unity folks are generally huggy people. Lots of endorphin highs all week long. Lots of workshops, keynote speakers, lunches and dinners with folks I love, sharing information about what services we provide for you, plus the business meeting. There are long days, for sure, but they are filled with energy, inspiration and connection. Those of us in the home office staff look forward to this time every year.

In the midst of of all of this is Spirit, moving through everyone, showing up in diverse, creative, unique ways. If you are at convention in Overland Park this year, I'll be the one in a perpetual dance party!

Teacher in a Box

I’m a licensed Unity teacher who doesn’t teach. There. I’ve said it.

I’ve been struggling lately with my involvement in my church. After over 12 years of being in leadership, I backed away while I was taking classes at the Kansas City Art Institute. It felt good to get a break from at least one commitment.

Now I’m recovering from back surgery and looking at just what do I really want to do. What up next for this part of my life? This blog is one thing. Writing more is another.

What about teaching? I decided in second grade that I did not want to become a teacher. I was the baby in my family by ten and a half years, so I grew up in a household of relative adults. Children’s teasing and misbehaving were confusing to me since that wasn’t a part of my interactions in my household. I didn’t know how to respond.

I’m sure it was a normal part of the relationship between my brother and sister, but not between them and me. My sister babysat me. It was more an adult –to-child relationship than a sibling-to-sibling one.

The thought of being in charge of a classroom terrified me. I took classes at Unity for my own personal and spiritual growth and finished the class requirements but no more. I never intended to become a teacher.

Tap, Tap, Tap

Then I got the proverbial “tap on the shoulder.” Many of you know what I mean. When God speaks, you listen. The first time it happened to me earlier in my life, I argued. Then I cried and argued and tried to ignore. It didn’t work. I did what I was told to do. The result wasn’t what I expected, but the lessons were legion.

So this time when the tap came, I skipped the arguing and explored how to finish becoming a licensed Unity teacher. I taught the classes I need to become certified, enjoyed myself, but haven’t officially taught much since then. Why?

I grew up in a time when the prevailing teaching mode was lecture-only. Since working at Unity Worldwide Ministries, I’ve been well-taught by passionate educators that the ways to bring alive the material are only limited by my imagination. I learned about multiple intelligences and diverse teaching and learning methods. My teachers have been Anna Andes, Kathy Kellogg, Jane Simmons, Diane Venzera and Deborah Frownfelter, among others. So much passion and knowledge poured out of them, that I felt like a pretender in the education department. Who was I to teach among these giants?

I was an art history major with a love of writing. I didn’t take one education class in college. Many of my friends were special education majors. It was a specialty of my small, Catholic, all-girl college. But I was not among that group of people who were passionate about kids and passionate about teaching.

A Different Kind of Hang-Over

I think my reticence is really a hang-over from the old model of teaching, as if that is the “real” way and the newer ones I’ve been taught are pretenders to the throne. I don’t want to do it the old way, so I’m not going to do it. It also brings up the “I’m never going to be a teacher” idea from my 7-year-old self.

Wow! Who takes advice from a 7-year-old? I guess I have been without realizing it. I’m still playing with the idea of “what do I do now,” (I mistyped and said “know” instead of “now.” Freudian slip?) and it might include teaching in some form.

I do love to discuss spiritual ideas with like-minded folks, and isn’t that what teaching really is? Sharing ideas and stretching your mind around concepts that are different from yours? Seeing the world from a slightly different perspective after a conversation/class? Knowing yourself or others a slight bit better than you did before?

Maybe we’re all teaching and learning all the time without realizing it. Maybe this isn’t so hard after all. Maybe it’s time to let my teacher out of the box I’ve held her in. Anyone got an apple for my desk?

Trust in the Process

What does it mean to “trust in the process” when the evidence is contrary to what you want or expect? I’m recovering from back surgery. I had a cyst removed that was causing sciatica for over four months.

The bliss I felt the first few days of not having my left leg tingle gave way to apprehension at the first signs of pain returning. As the days went on and the old pain increased, so did my fear and dread.

Here I was, experiencing the post-op pain from the surgery incision and the pre-op pain at the top of my leg. This is not what I expected. This isn’t following my script for how it is supposed to play out.

A Monday-morning call to the doctor’s office gave me assurance that all was well. M nerves just need time to re-route. Add some ibuprofen and sit on ice or heat─whatever makes me happy and works.

So today the pain is much less and I’m more hopeful. But the fact is I am having trouble focusing on the Truth of my wholeness. As a Truth student, I expect more from myself. I hold myself to a high standard: Focus only on the Truth. I’m falling well below my accepted standard.

Do I trust, or do I only trust when life follows my script? Which means, really, that I don’t trust at all─that I want to be in control.

Darn! There’s that old control issue coming up again. I don’t like to admit to being a control freak. I’m not always. Sometimes I’m really laid back and open to whatever. Honest.

Yet there are times, like now, when I’m in the unknown, and the little “me” is scared. My fallback reaction is to take charge. It removes some of the unknown because I get to decide what happens.

But healing is different. I can’t control my body processes as easily as I can make decisions. I can certainly influence my body processes, yet my body does seem to have a mind and a will of its own. We need to cooperate with each other, my body and I, to be in synch.

In metaphysics, we sometimes think that we can (or should) ignore the facts and they will go away. That’s false denial. The true power of denial is looking at the facts and not allowing them to sway us from trusting in the Truth.

It’s not my use of affirmations that needs to be beefed up. It’s my use of denial that needs a revamp.

I’ve tried to ignore the pain. “I’m not really feeling this. Nope. It’s not there … Ouch!” As Dr. Phil asks, “How’s that working for you?” Not well.

The presence of old pain doesn’t fit into my script. The big question for me now is, how do I accept the existence of old pain even in the midst of healing? Maybe my script is too limited, too linear.

Healing─and life─is more complex, more nuanced, more textural, and more interesting than I was allowing for. My script called for a simple, linear healing process. Ha!

The universe is more creative than that. My script is inadequate. I would like to say that I need to expand my script, but honestly, I’m questioning why I feel the need to have a script. It goes back to the need for control.

What does a script-less life look like? My body just shuddered at the prospect. Literally shuddered. Wow. That’s somewhat disappointing and very telling.

Looks like someone needs to pay attention in the silence, because if I knew mySelf better, I would trust in the process of life.

If I listened more, I wouldn’t feel the need to take charge and forge ahead. I hate to admit it, but without listening, I’m not really forging ahead. I’m stumbling blindly away from my discomfort because anywhere feels better than here. Sigh.

“I’m so glad we had this time together.” Thanks for listening. May your day be filled with new ideas for your life, and may you listen to them.

Avoidance

So I took a class on The Art and Practice of Living with Nothing and No One Against You. We covered the basics over 4 weeks and I got the workbook. I planned to do the 21-day practice starting when the class ended. I was looking forward to continuing the process with my classmates.

Before starting the worksheets, you are supposed to do a self-assessment. You do another one at the end of the 21 days. I started to read the instructions for the assessment ... and I fell asleep! Sure, I worked late that day and my eyes were tired, but, really?

Well, I won't let myself do a worksheet until that assessment is done. This is now 2 weeks later and it's still not done. Folks, this isn't procrastination. It's avoidance, plain and simple.

I  thought I was taking the class for spiritual growth. I thought I was going to dig deep and discover more about myself and how my subconscious thinks. Apparently my subconscious is happy with the way things are, mainly that it runs my reactions while my conscious mind remains in the dark. Hmmm.

I think I am going to have to show it who is in charge here. Excuse me. I have a self-assessment to finish.